A Place for Honest Faith
Written by Emma McCoy
4 minute read
“Previously on” Helen:
A successful middle-aged professional, Helen seems to have it all: career, husband, kids, and wide social circle. After a chance conversation with a co-worker she disliked, Helen realized there was more to Rebecca than met the eye. Though her life was already “full,” Helen struck up a friendship with Rebecca and learned her capacity for connection was greater than she thought. After inviting Rebecca to church a few times, Helen learned that Rebecca’s son was diagnosed with leukemia, and supported her friend through her family’s difficult season. Now, three years later, Rebecca’s son is cancer-free and she’s started attending Helen’s Bible study.
“That was a dark story,” Rebecca said.
“Yes, it was,” Helen cringed. The two women got into Helen’s car and sat in the driveway for a moment. The others were still in the house, their silhouettes moving in the living room window. Bible study often lasted long after the study was over, the women lingering before returning to their families, houses, apartments, and pets. Helen and Rebecca were leaving early, though, because they were both a part of a rather large presentation at work in the morning.
“Are they all like that?” Rebecca asked. She was a tall, thin woman with large glasses that made her look somewhat owl-eyed, and she had very white teeth. Even though she’d been coming to Bible study for two months now, Helen still found herself bracing for the other shoe to drop. Rebecca would read something challenging and stop coming. Another woman would say something judgemental and she would stop coming. Helen would say the wrong thing and she would stop coming. It didn’t help that they were studying the life of David, who had famously lost a son to illness. Rebecca’s son was only a year in remission from leukemia.
“No, not all Bible stories are sad or violent,” Helen replied. She put the car in drive and started the route back to Rebecca’s house. “Some are, because life is sad and violent sometimes, but other stories are tender, or hopeful, or fantastical. Just like life. I knew this week would hit pretty close to home, though.”
“Yeah,” Rebecca agreed. “I guess I just don’t understand why David’s baby had to die, just because his dad messed up.”
“It’s a tough question,” Helen said. “I’m not really a Bible scholar or anything…there’s stuff in the Old Testament—”
“What’s that again?”
“The part of the Bible before Jesus shows up.”
“Oh, right.”
“Yeah,” Helen continued. “There’s a lot in the Old Testament about children suffering for the mistakes of their parents. I’m not sure what that’s about. I think what I do know is that children tend to inherit their parents’ problems and trauma and stuff. But yeah, I knew this story would hit home.”
Rebecca was quiet for a moment. “David was angry after his baby got sick, and really scared.”
“That’s true.”
“And God wasn’t mad at him for it. Like…it seems as though David had all these feelings and that was okay.”
“I haven’t thought about it like that,” Helen said, “but I can see it.”
“I always thought that Christians had to act like everything was okay all the time.”
Helen laughed. “Have I acted like that?”
“Sometimes,” Rebecca said seriously. “Mostly before we became friends. But you helped me so much when Robbie was sick—and I was a complete mess. I was angry and scared and sad and everything in between. Is there…is there room for that, with God?”
Helen pulled into Rebecca’s driveway and put the car in park. “Absolutely,” she said honestly. “Not everyone in church will admit when they’re not okay, but it’s always okay to not be okay with God. He made you. He understands.”
Rebecca unclicked her seatbelt but didn’t get out of the car. “Thanks for inviting me to your Bible book club. It was intense today, but I liked the story. It felt like mine.”
“The Bible has a way of doing that. Carpool tomorrow? I just have to drop Gigi at school first.”
“Sounds good!” Rebecca waved before walking into her house. Helen waited a moment for the door to close and the moment to pass. Then she let out a long breath, prayed quickly, and drove home with joy in her ears.
Who in your life would you like to share this with?
About the author
Spring Church member, Emma McCoy (M.A.), has two poetry books: This Voice Has an Echo (2024) and In Case I Live Forever (2022). She’s been published in places like Across the Margin, Stirring Literary, and Thimble Mag. She reads for Chestnut Review and Whale Road Review. She’s probably working on her novel right now. Catch her on Substack: https://poetrybyemma.substack.com/